Mr Daz is Getting Married

This is an ode to you, our Mr Daz, and other names you’ve been known as.
The ultimate boy with his ultimate pad, living above his mum and dad.
With his 20 foot TV, Nintendo and Wii, three thousand odd games, mostly grand prix.
The hooner of bikes whilst resisting arrest, the only guy to be wounded at laser quest.
Rescuer of bikers stranded on hills, downloader of porn and illegal films.
Converter of lofts and maker of roofs, wearer of tyres and bike boots.
Saving his pennies for bikes and tattoos. What will Nuts and Zoo do without you?
The ultimate boy with the ultimate toys, always will be a bachelor boy.

Or so we thought, until one day, the girl of his dreams came his way.
Over her spark plugs it was clear at once, none of your mates would see you for months.
From speeder to weeder down in her garden. She gave him his wrench which gave him a…
From the burning of rubber to burning the dinner. He’s a household wonderpants, DIY ninja.
Gave up the pot but kept the fags. Swapped girly mags for Argos bags.
Strictly on the brews; not much into beer. Spending days wandering round Ikea.
From shopping for sliders to shopping for spices. Comparing his Asda shopping list prices.
His nails are the cleanest since 30 odd year. At least now we know he’s not a queer.

Played it casual, just a bit of fun, but then he went and fell in love with that woman.
Now going for a ride has a totally different meaning. She turned his throttle into feeling.
No more weekends of lubing chains, clearing up damp patches, checking the Haynes.
He’s got his spanner just for mending. Let’s hope he’s got more than four strokes in his engine.
He can put to good use all those skills he’s learnt whilst not having to pay bills.
Like converting digital from analogue, and his knowledge of how to fit a bog.
Polishing his windows till they gleam. He’s even found the washing machine.
A better triumph than his bike. It might be time to buy that trike?

With a firm grip on his lunacy and with his tank full of opportunity.
His map less creased and less dirty, he can now relax and enjoy the journey.
May you eat candid hearts on beaches and ice cream that tastes of peaches.
May you build sand castles in the snow and have plants that sometimes grow.
Go left or right, south or north, go together and go forth.
Stop thinking about the racing track and work out if that conservatory will fit round the back.
Make it fun, make it happy. Get used to the idea of changing nappies.
But, Mr Daz, whatever you do, don’t forget to pop round for a brew.

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